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| |  Posted 22/11/2007 09:18:31 | |
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| | A bit of national pride - It's probably the only time that you can hang a St George's Cross out side your house, put one of those silly fucking flag things on your car, drive through town and see our national flag on everything from shops to pubs, houses. cars, vans, just about everything, and you're not made to feel like a fully paid up member of the BNP. The Economy - It's been proven in the past that when England fail to qualify for a major footy tournament, the economy suffers. Part of it is a general 'feel good factor' which tends to loosen the purse strings, but just think of all the services and industries that ride on the back of something like Euro 2008. You've got kit manufacturers, sports shops, pubs, clubs, breweries, advertising agencies, too many to mention. Infact this very morning Umbro have issues a profits warning to the Stock Exchange on the back of last nights result. God damn the FA and everyone who sails in her.
Si thi tha nos |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 11:17:33 | |
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| | SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING |  |  |
 Most would have been dead within minutes
TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland this morning after the entire country laughed itself to death.
The alarm was first raised at around 10pm last night as thousands of phone calls and text messages went unanswered.
Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle ventured north just after midnight only to find houses full of dead people gathered around still blaring television sets.
By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal rupture.
Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of 70 shilling. They seemed to be at peace."
He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and pants round his knees.
"It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."
Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 9.50pm. "He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."
Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.
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I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 11:29:27 | |
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|  God love the Daily Mash.
Si thi tha nos |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 11:33:42 | |
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| the "deep fried bunch of flowers" made tea come out of my nose.
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up, charm, top, down, strange, bottom |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 11:42:58 | |
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| Benny the Blue (22/11/2007)
the "deep fried bunch of flowers" made tea come out of my nose.Drinking brewage and The Daily Mash are uneasy bed fellows.
Si thi tha nos |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 11:55:11 | |
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| funniest thing ive read in years....i concur to the sentiments though as the wife is scottish and wore her scotland top in bed last night (just to rub it in)..... shes still city through and through bless her.....
Cometh the man cometh the wig.... |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 12:10:20 | |
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| blueinyorkshire (22/11/2007)
funniest thing ive read in years....i concur to the sentiments though as the wife is scottish and wore her scotland top in bed last night (just to rub it in)..... shes still city through and through bless her.....Hur Hur.
Si thi tha nos |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 12:14:02 | |
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| | DOG HAS SHIT | | |
WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched yesterday as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park.
 The dog seemed to enjoy the shit, said witnesses
Staff, who nicknamed the dog “shitter”, said they watched it closely as it forced out at least two quite large curly ones and one smaller straight log.
Nikki Hollis, 26, a check-out assistant said: “I was on my break when Darren from the fish counter said he could see a dog taking a shit. So we went to have a look.”
Bill McKay, 56, a trolley collector, said: “I saw a bit of a crowd gathering so I went over, I asked Nikki what was going on and she said it was a dog, taking a shit.”
Store manager Wayne Hayes, 42, said: “I was in my office when I got a call from Ellen, the checkout supervisor who just said ‘get yourself down here now, a dog is having a shit’”.
Bakery worker Norman Steele, 34, was walking towards the store to start his shift when he got a text from Mr McKay saying “Where r u? Dog having shit. Gr8!”
A spokesman for Tesco said: “Our staff are trained to expect the unexpected. As soon as the dog had finished they wrapped the shit in a blanket and called the RSPCA. It’s doing fine.”
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up, charm, top, down, strange, bottom |
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 13:14:48 | |
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| I heart Wayne Hayes. He appears in nearly every story.
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I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
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| | | Posted 22/11/2007 13:19:43 | |
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| TiDA (22/11/2007)
I heart Wayne Hayes. He appears in nearly every story. One of the writers maybe?
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up, charm, top, down, strange, bottom |
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