PUBLIC NOT AWARE SIMPLY RED WAS A BAND

A GINGER tit is to carry on singing despite announcing he was splitting up a band which everyone thought was just him anyway. Just stop Mick Hucknall, 47, last night revealed he was planning to disband the group Simply Red because he had not been in the newspapers for many years. However, to the disappointment of millions, he admitted the ‘split’ would not take place for another two years and that he is also launching a horrifying solo career. Lisa Martens, 26, a pop fan, said she was devastated to hear the Mancunian song vandaliser was not giving-up completely but merely seeking to generate publicity for his forthcoming world tour. Ms Martens said: “My heart leapt when I heard Simply Red were to be put down. But my boyfriend said that was impossible as the only real member of the band was the guy in the stupid fucking hat. It turns out that Simply Red is short for ‘Simply a Red-Headed Twat’.” She added: “He’ll have to hire a band before he can split one up. Wouldn’t it save a lot of bother if the ginger tit would just shut the fuck up right now.” Ms Martens has set up an online petition at www.shutthefuckuprightnow yougingertit.com calling on Hucknall to bring forward the 2009 deadline for the abolition of Simply Red. As of last night it had 54,345,623 signatories, including the ginger tit’s girlfriend. Tom Logan, professor of music at the Institute of Pop, said: “There are plenty of real black people who make records. Why don’t people listen to them instead?”